The Teen Years

Nothing prepares you for this..

As the saying goes “you will pay for your raising”, and so indeed you shall. I had no idea when I was growing up what the heck this meant exactly. Little did I know this saying is true and comes back with a vengeance. Well not really, but maybe. I was always a free spirited child, never really conforming to any rule that was ever placed before me. When the teenage years rolled around I was a wild as they came. Now you should know I didn’t really have any guidance growing up, (there is another blog about that). If you haven’t read it I would go do that now before continuing, will help to make sense of this one.

I supposed I have always known I wanted to be a mother. When I was a little girl I had it all planned out. I was going to have four children, two boys and two girls.  I miscarried in between my first and third child which would’ve brought that idea when I was a little girl into reality. Often life has other plans. I ended up with five children, three I birthed, two I adopted. Let me start by saying I have raised some of the best children. I could be a little biased, but considering my own upbringing I think they have turned out pretty well. However, there is nothing that could have ever prepared me for the teenage years with my children. I have experienced first hand challenges I did not face as a teenager and no idea how to handle them or the things that I faced myself when I was that age. 

I started out pretty young when I became a mother. My son and I pretty much grew up together. He was relatively a good kid. He was an excellent baby, the sweetest little face. He slept good, never complained and for the first five years of his life it was just he and I. I do believe boys are easier than girls. I know not everyone would agree, but for me this is true. When Brian, my son was was five, my daughter was born. Five years was a little larger of a gap than I had hoped for but again I was really young and not in the best situation to have another any sooner. She made life exciting and it was like starting over for me. We all loved her and I was happy to be able to add some color to our lives. Yes color, pink to be exact. I am not sure why that’s even a thing but it seems to be the signature color that comes with girls. 

When she was four months old, I had gotten sick. The stomach flu, food poisoning or so I thought and during her four month checkup I mentioned it to the doctor. She decided to give me a pregnancy test. When the doctor came back in to the room she said, “congratulations your’re having a baby”, to which I replied with tears streaming down my face that I had just had a baby. She laughed and informed me I was having another. I remember leaving her office confused, shocked, and full of fear. I told Brian that evening when I picked him up from school he was going to be a bog brother again and he said, “ but, we just got a new baby why do we need another one”? An appropriate response from any five year old. 

Let’s fast forward a bit, I am now twenty four years old with three children six, one, and a newborn. The two little ones were like having twins. Abigail completed our lives and luckily I had lots of hand me downs so other than diapers there wasn’t a huge expense. I loved being a mother. I threw myself into being their mother and it was the greatest thing I had ever known. Three little human beings that love you and need you constantly. I never found myself to be that overwhelmed. Because of my own childhood I really feel that shaped the kind of mother I was to them. That same year we bought our first official home in a nice, quiet neighborhood just outside the city limits. My sister lived a house down from us and she had four children so the kids always had some where to go and someone to play with. My sister had a lot of struggles and chaos that bled into her life which inevitably bled into mine. A mother of three became a mother of five overnight. 

My nephew and Brian were six months apart in age, my niece just getting in to her teenage years. I was not prepared yet to raise teenagers, I am not sure anything can prepare one for this particular years of life. Raising children/ teenagers that you didn’t birth is a whole different task in itself. We eventually adjusted and life carries on as usual. My husband, the father of my children and I, divorced when I was 29. I became a single mother of five children. Life was busy. 

Teenagers are a different breed. I believe it’s hard on them and equally hard if not harder not the parents. I was not the best teenager at all, not entirely my fault. So with little guidance to fall back on, the basis of my own parenting skills developed from well, myself and how I was as a teenager. The boys were relatively good. Most of the time they followed suite and did as they were told little to no effort. For this I was thankful. But the girls. Oh the girls. They have strengthened my prayer life and shaped my character as a human being. My limits with patience has been tested countless times and let's not even talk about the hormonal escapades I have endured.

I met my now husband not long after I was divorced. I couldn’t have asked for a better man, husband, or friend. We waited quite sometime before we decided to get married and were rightly smart to do so. We moved in together before we were married. I know this isn’t an ethical choice to some but its my life and it was the best decision for us. Suddenly we became the Brady bunch. 

Three kids, five kids, eight kids, oh my. Yes that’s right, eight children, three dogs, two parents, one cat, and partridge in a pear tree. All under one room, one bog happy family right? I wish I could tell you that things were blissful and life flowed beautifully, I could but I would be lying. Life was hell and Lord I was not prepared for this at all. My husband and I who never fought, fought. We fought over mainly kids, two different parenting styles, we fought over exes who made life for us anything but easy. Our love for one another was easy and I really believe that’s what helped us survive. 

My husband and I have endured many things with our children over the years from drugs, drinking, sneaking out, lying, bulimia, pretty much everything. The heartbreak we have experienced has at times been almost unbearable for me, but we have survived so far. The countdown to graduation is so close. In a few short weeks we will just have two children left at home to get through their senior years next year and we will be empty nesters. I will leave you with this, there is no perfect parent, what there is that’s solid is love. Love them no matter what, never give up, never turn your back on your children. Listen to them, cry with them, laugh with them, hug them, remind them that you love them, give them the confidence and comfortableness to come to you with any problem they have. It is hard to maintain your emotions when it involves your children, I am not telling you any different, but try to meet them with love and compassion as they are trying to figure out who they are and what to do with their lives. I have never suffered a broken hear to the degree that being a mother has brought. I have cried more in my closet through these trying years than I have ever cried before. This is just a season and it will pass with time as most things do. As hard as things can become search for the goodness in them, there is goodness to be found. You will never have this time again.