The Most UnChristmasy Christmas Ever.

I’ve always loved Christmas. When I was a little girl I used stare out my window at night and make myself believe I saw Santa and his sleigh of reindeer flying across the sky. I remember it made me feel warm inside, bringing about a level of excitement that only came once a year. 

I don’t ever remember asking for tons of things for Christmas. I believed in Santa, but I also knew him and my mother were closely related somehow, (laugh out loud). My mother was still in her early days of alcoholism and that made life hard in ways we could have been spared otherwise. In spite of all this, we always had a tree and there was always something under it when I woke up on Christmas morning.

When I became a mother I was over the moon even more about Christmas. Someone ended up giving us a tree, used, but it was perfect. I worked at the nursing home at the time in Assisted Living. One sweet little lady I took care of every day, who by the way also LOVED Christmas and ordered daily from HSN, the home shopping network, gifted me my first set of official ornaments. Little fat snowmen with bells, vintage, and came in a set of twelve. Her room loomed the smell of vanilla and cinnamon, Christmas was in every corner of her tiny little apartment. It was beautiful. I think ion her every Christmas when I add those ornaments to the tree. 

I couldn’t wait to get home to add them to the tree. Every year since I have bought one ornament for myself and each of my children. Some years we have even made our own. Along with their ornaments they made at school I have a prefect tree full of memories. 

SO, why the hell is it December 8th and I have yet to put up the tree? Usually by now I have all three trees up, I know a little excessive but mind ya business. I have the stairs decorated and everywhere you look glimmers Christmas. So whats the problem?

We always make a big night of “tree decorating”, our little tradition I started long ago. All the kids in one place, food, hot chocolate, Christmas music, cookies, ornaments. All the things. This year the house is quiet, the excitement that once filled these rooms is gone. The children are all grown, busy with their own lives. Right now I think the entire damn world is just plain EXHAUSTED.

Things just aren’t the same anymore. Life is really overwhelming and now instead of the holidays being a beautiful time to gather with your loved ones, its nothing short of stressful. Families are fighting and nothing is affordable. Everyone is just tired. 

I miss the feeling of excitement of being a child and the anticipation of Santa’s visit. It’s that feeling that is missing. I know life is hard and if your reading this, I want you to know you are not alone in feeling less than Christmas spirit this year. 

Put the tree up. Make the hot chocolate, bake the cookies, blare the Christmas music, and decorate the damn tree. Whether you really feel like it or not. Then sit back and look at the lovely lights and somewhere inside you’ll feel better, at peace. I know I will. 

Merry Christmas! 

Love & Light, H