Giving Thanks
Thanksgiving should be a time of family gathering together to enjoy one another, but what happens when your part of a family where your not really welcome?
When I first started dating my ex husband in high school, I had just gotten out of an almost year long relationship a few months prior to us dating.
They guy I had dated for almost a year cheated on me with my then best friend which later resulted in them having a child together. Also in later years I realized perhaps it was better her than me in some way.
Myself a desperate, unguided, heartbroken teenage girl, missed a period and thought instantly I was pregnant. Before I knew for sure I told “him” and once I knew I wasn’t we separated and that was that.
Months later I started dating my ex husband and for whatever stupid reason when his younger sister asked me about the previous pregnancy ordeal I lied and said I miscarried. Why I would say this I am really not sure.
It probably sounded better at the time in some way other than he just cheated and left me. I don’t know.
I did come clean and tell the truth later on, which you would thing would gain some sort of respect, however that was quite the opposite. I became hated at this point by her and then it madame feel awful. From then on every single family gathering and encounter was miserable.
One Thanksgiving years later, we were all at his grandmothers house. By this time all of us had children. I was approached by his younger sister who made it very clear that I was under no circumstances to speak to any of her children.
That was hard because they were small and children down really know whats happening. She made it every clear that of they approached me I was to ignore them. There were previous times before she would intentionally ignore my son if I were in the room too. He loved her and wanted her attention, but she wouldn’t acknowledge him at all if I were there. That made me so mad, but I said nothing.
The rest of the Thanksgiving dinner of I sat in the corner by myself. That was the last dinner I ever attended with them. I made the decision not to ever feel that way again.
My ex-husband did stand up for me some, but it always came back around to being my fault. The root cause of the initial problem, so I am not sure him ever standing up for me ever really did any good.
I made a mistake by lying, lying over the stupidest thing and really with no reason to do it. I honestly have no clue why I did. But I tried to make it right by telling the truth which did nothing.
I felt bad about it for years until that one Thanksgiving I sat alone. After that I was over it. I didn’t want anyone to like me anymore. I didn’t care.
I decided from then on I would stay home and cook my own Thanksgiving dinner and I did.
That sole decision I made would cost me many arguments later on. I would be blamed for the divide that would take place between my husband and his family. That was still better than sitting with people I knew hated me.
I began to see that my ex-husband wasn’t the only one who was being mentally abusive towards me or my child.
Why is everything so justified when it comes from the other side of abuse?
I am not perfect, I have and had plenty of my own “faults” but none I ever feel should have been rectified with physical or mental abuse.
Yet it happens all the time and we as women and some men who are in this situation begin to believe that its really us who are wrong. We are not normal so this behavior we are experiencing is caused by us. That we cannot function normally so we don’t deserve any better.
That is lie. Every word of it is a lie.
We sit in places we don’t belong and get treated like shit by people who in reality are no better than we are. Yet we are some how stuck there.
Today I am thankful I NEVER have to sit with people where I am not welcome and in places I don’t belong.
I am thankful I am alive and well, that I know who I am.
We do deserve better!! You deserve better. If nothing else know you are loved and deserve to be loved, above all else.
Love & Light -H
