Life Lately
“Life Lately”….
Shit. If I could sum it up in one word it would be exhausting. Life can be completely overwhelming. You know the saying goes, “when it rains, it pours”. Life has been pouring out on me lately, drowning me. Testing all the limits of what I am made up of as a human being, as a woman, a wife, a mother. I am being tested. My life has never been what I would consider to be easy by any means, survival is what I do best. My area of expertise, but lately, if I am being honest, I'm fucking tired. Really tired.
I am tired of EVERYTHING, working, wifing, mothering, living, all of it. Generally speaking I am tired of everything in my life. So what the hell do I do now? Where do I go from here?
I used to think being tired was weak, taking midday nap was weak. I wouldn’t hear of it. I am comfortable saying I might have even been a little judgmental to this who took a nap…what?!
I WAS WRONG
My children are grown, most of them. My youngest is 17 and really she is grown. She no longer needs my day to day care as she did when she was 7. I have struggled with this deeply. Let me dive into this a little.
My life has always been in overdrive mode. I had purpose when they were small. My time was accounted for, every second of the day dedicated to some thing. I feel like I woke up one day and life was different. My oldest daughter moved out when she turned 18, my son joined the army when he turned 18. Then I was left with two step children and my two daughters thirteen months apart. The oldest turning “18” this past April, graduating high school in May, and then moving out the same week. Step children that moved in with their other parent. Things for me changed overnight. One child left in huge house leaves things pretty quite on the daily. One would think that life would be quiet, that lately has been quite the opposite for me.
Life, if anything has gotten busier. I have ALOT of unresolved trauma. I over compensate dealing with that by being busy, which results in me taking on way too much, yes’s that should be no’s, responsibilities that are not mine.
So where do you go from here? What do you do? How do you bring things back in to balance?
BOUNDARIES
Boundaries, thats how. That is the solution to this problem, at least for me it is. Boundaries are so hard because people are sensitive, whether is be your children, your friends, your co-workers, your spouse. But damn it, THEY ARE NECESSARY!
Set those boundaries, your life depends on it!
Life has been really emotional for me lately. Things in my life seem to be falling apart at once, from financial issues, my gown children’s choices, my own personal self, the damn washing machine tearing up, all of it. Are you relating to any of this ? Does any of this resonate with you at all? If your answer is yes then your probably wondering what advice I am going to give you? Well to be honest I’ve got nothing lol. What I do know is that I am a survivor. That word annoys me, but also empowers me. It reminds me of song I recently heard. The lyrics say..”faith can move a mountain, but I was built for climb. So tell me am I faithful or just too stubborn?”
I am both.
I am faithful in believing that something beautiful is waiting for me once this storm of life passes and I am way too stubborn to give up or give in. In the meantime, just breathe, just pray, ground yourself in what you know, find stillness, rest, set boundaries, whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP!
Love & Light -H
